| fly or die |
| |
Kancil Night Safari
Oct 1 at Sunway Lagoon Hotel & Resort
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the Kancil Night Safari.
If you've never visited the Kancil Night Safari, please join me on this virtual tour. Hop along now on our imaginary monorail and enter into the wonderful world of the advertising animals.
May I remind you to not feed the animals and keep your hands on your mouse at all times. Let's go.
[SFX: Squeaking wheels on rail tracks]
On your right, grazing gently on the slopes are the Giraffes. Their long necks, permanently angled out, helps them catch the action on stage. They chew quietly with their herd and will slink back into the shade immediately after the last award is given out.
Next to the giraffes, are the lovable creates native to Australia, the Koala Bears. You may have to strain your eyes because they are usually camouflaged against the bar stool, hugging it with their sharp claws. After Kancil Nights, Koala Bears have been reported to have hangovers up to 19 hours the day after.
On the far left, we have the Hyenas. The Hyena is a master of the scare tactic - spots a gruesome face and a bloodcurdling howl. But, they are not very effective hunters and usually feast on trophies by other hunters, as if their own. These noisy animals make a maniacal laughing sound when posing with others' trophies.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, we have just entered the Butterfly Farm. Under this canopy, you'll see a multitude of beautiful, exotic and very colourful butterflies. They flit around cutely looking for the best nectar. To observe one, just station yourself near a gwei-lo. After a few minutes, a butterfly will perch on his arm.
Oh, I see you've managed to land a butterfly. Lucky you. Won't you love to pin one down? But please, remember, these are night safari butterflies. They won't look so good in the morning.
Ah, now to my favourite area - the Monkeys. The liveliest bunch in the zoo. They hoot and howl whenever their agency's name is called. [SFX: Monkeys hooting] Many don't get the big banana, but throw them a few peanuts and see them jump really high.
Now, observe on your right ... submerged under the muddy waters. You see them? The Hippotamus. On Kancil Night, many finally see these trusty, faithful creatures come out of the back rooms. Feast your eyes on them while you can. Because after the last dish on the 8-course menu, they will be heading back to the mud to finish more visuals and F.A., before the night is over.
And finally, we reach the Lions' den - the majestic kings of the advertising jungle. Listen to that roar! [SFX: ROOOAAAARRRR!!!] It's been said that a Lion's roar can send shivers down the necks of many an account manager. Lions usually leave the night with a haul of trophies - all without having to run very much. That's because truly great Lions are geniuses, blessed with an eye for brilliant lionesses, who do their bidding. Now, spot the Lionesses, they are the ones without the name, er... I mean the mane, and a lot less majestic, usually seated just a little off the spotlight, wondering why she has to bring home the meat for the S.O.B.
And with that, ladies and gentlemen, we have come to the end of our tour. I hope you have had an educational time and enjoyed it as much as I have.
Don't forget to pick up your fake Kancil certificate in our souvenir shop. Good night and see you again, next year.
Pencil chewed at 3:07:00 pm //
| |
| |
Mouldy ass
Okay, I've finally decided to get off my sorry ass.
I swear it was getting mouldy and wobbly from all that inactivity. With the cushion fabric permanently embossed on the cheeks.
Anyway, enough update on my utterly unJ-Lo-esque butt. (Though, I do wish I had her butt. Or Beyonce's. Hmm... those are bon-bons, alright.)
This is all I can manage today. The LAZ-Y virus has killed off a lot of grey matter.
Pencil chewed at 5:14:00 pm //
| |
| |
Virus attack
The LAZ-Y virus has got me.
Making my systems sluggish.
My fingers lethargic.
My mind uninspired.
My 3-times a day dosage of caffeine does little to help.
If symptoms persist, the doc might prescribe a big kick on the behind.
Till then the virus makes blogging difficult.
See you when I recover. Hopefully soon.
Sorry.
Pencil chewed at 1:18:00 pm //
| |
| |
Blue, his name is Blue, he gave a shot way back*
We went to Nando's. It was June's pick - she said, it must be some where not too formal, not too casual, not too romantic, not too expensive, not too whatever-whatever. Anyway, I said, fine, as long as you feel comfortable.
June, Matt and I were sipping our ice lemon teas. Blue was late.
Minus 10 points, I checked mentally.
June was fidgety.
"Oi, relax lah?" I say, "Your bopping up and down is giving me motion sickness."
"Can we eat yet? I'm hungry," Matt whines. Trust a man to always think about his stomach.
"What if he chickened out?" June asks, her brows knitted.
"No, he'll be here," I say, wondering where in the world did I get the confidence to vouch for him. Perhaps I just thought that no man would turn down a date with this beautiful woman seated in front of me. June was in a pink-T, low waist jeans. A light dash of blusher and lipstick was all she needed to look like cotton candy - sweet enough to eat.
No sooner had I said that he appears, a little out of breath.
"Sorry, my dear," he apologises, pressing his cheek against hers, "couldn't find parking."
Lame excuse, I thought, couldn't you have come here 2 hours earlier? I dock off another 5 points.
June introduces us. And the guys go off to order.
"See!" I say.
"Gawd, I need a puff."
"Woman," I whisper, "think of it this way. It's a pitch and he is pitching to you. For once, you're the client. Just sit back and enjoy the storyboards, ok?"
June laughs. She seems to buy the analogy and surprisingly, calms down.
We steal glances at the guys at the counter. They are chatting excitedly and when they brought the food back, we found out that they were locked in an in depth debate on why the Alien should win instead of the Predator (or is it the other way round? I don't remember and I don't care.)
None of us has seen the movie, so it's all speculation - like how men would sit around before a big game, nurse their beers and tell you why Liverpool should win instead of Arsenal or Man-U or one of those teams with fancy anthems and hooligans.
I look at them and say, boys, are you all dense? Of course, the humans win. But the Aliens will leave one unhatched egg and the Predator will drop a sample of his DNA in some forsaken forest so that Hollywood can spawn a Part 2 of this sorry movie. (Sorry, AVP fans! That's just a woman's take on the movie. And no! I will not watch the movie.)
Minus 20 points. I was going to deduct them till I saw June's face. She was beaming and laughing at his not funny comments. Did he slip some thing into her drink? I thought.
Finally, after 3 kicks under the table, Matt wises up. He skillfully diverts the attention to June and Blue. And when he decides to, Matt can be a real smoothie. He probes Blue - his job, background, family, interests - and sing praises of June. Smooth Operator earns 20 brownie points.
Three hours later, we have an amused June. And Matt has a date to watch AVP with Blue. Huh? What the-?
"So, how's it?" I ask June as I walked her to her car.
"I had a good time."
"Ooh. Are you swimming in love already?"
"No ... it was just ... it was just wonderful to be on a date again, you know what I mean?" She looks at me in a way that makes me want to hug her and make all the bad things in her past go away, "Anyway, I have 4 others to check out," she winks. "Thanks again."
She slips into her car. I walk back to Matt and slip my hand into his.
"So did he score?" he asks.
"Nope, but you sure did."
We laugh. I was just glad that June was blue no more.
*A spoofed line from Pete Teo's song Blue.
Pencil chewed at 10:24:00 am //
| |
| |
Fear factor
"This Saturday?" I say to June over the phone.
She wants Matt and I to double date with her and Blue. The usual - dinner, movie.
"Are you sure? Don't you want to spend some time alone getting to know him?" I ask.
"What if we have totally nothing in common? What if he bores me to tears or don't get my jokes. I need a security blanket."
Blue is one of her matches. He called a few days ago and asked her out. She was smart enough to make it a group date. June, she always was the smarter of us two.
"I haven't been on a date for like years. My insides are all raw. I think I'm gonna get an ulcer and die."
"Chill, woman. You'll be fab. He's cool with us going?"
"Yeah, that's what he said. Please come, it'll take the pressure off."
"Probably safer too. He could be the reincarnation of Ted Bundy for all you know."
"Oh, shuddup. You're such a meanie."
"That's why you love me," I laugh.
June scored perfectly in the whole Speed Dating endeavour. She ticked 8 yes-es and had all 8 matches. The organiser emailed her the contacts and she immediately called me to announce the score.
"Call them! Call them!" I practically screamed.
"I can't. I'm scared shit. If I call them, it will have consequences," she said. The courage she mustered to go for the Speed Dating session wasn't brought forward to Phase 2. So much for her transformation into a Get-Your-Own-Meat-Woman.
"Eh, it could be a good thing ... some hunky fella to snuggle with, tattoo your name on his butt?" I try to do the sell.
"I can't. Aaargh!"
At times like these I feel like a bloke. Meaning, I don't dig women. She wants something so bad, yet she turns into the biggest roadblock standing in the way of the very thing she craves. Could it stem from fear? Fear that if she tries, she may fail? So she folds her arms and not try, so that she'll never have to fail. And comfort herself that she was this close to succeeding.
Thankfully, the guys have more ... ahem ... balls. So far 5 have called. And she has dates lined up till month end. So perhaps, things might just work out despite herself. I should know, I'm just as guilty. :)
Pencil chewed at 6:05:00 pm //
| |
| template © elementopia 2003 |
| |
